


How Rare and Beautiful

by carryaworld



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, I hurt myself writing this one, M/M, Nothing but angst, Shiro is hurting, there's no happy ending and I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 15:33:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13837734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carryaworld/pseuds/carryaworld
Summary: In an alternate universe, Keith doesn’t crash into the barrier at Naxela. Lotor takes down the shield, and Keith returns safely to the castle and his family.This is not that universe.





	How Rare and Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I know, it's Shiro's birthday and I'm so sorry. Here's a pile of angst, I had to remind myself to appreciate that no matter what happens in season 5, at least my child Keith is alive. Title and lyrics at the bottom from Sleeping at Last by Saturn. For max tears listen to it at the end.

In an alternate universe, Keith doesn’t crash into the barrier at Naxela. Lotor takes down the shield, and Keith returns safely to the castle and his family. 

 

This is not that universe. 

 

“KEITH DON’T YOU DARE,” Matt screams into the coms, the sound ripping his throat raw. 

 

“I have to do this, Matt. It’s the only way that they’ll live. That he lives,” Keith says, his voice barely audible.

 

“Please,” Matt whispers, even though he knows it’s no use. Keith’s mind is made up. 

 

Keith, always the hero. Always trying to do what is right, and always trying to help others. 

 

“Tell them I’m sorry,” Keith says, and shuts off the coms. Matt doesn’t need to hear this.  _ Tell Shiro I love him, _ Keith thinks, but doesn’t dare say the words out loud.

 

There’s a long pause, and Matt sees it happen. Almost like fireworks on the Fourth of July, there’s an explosion as Keith’s ship hits the shield, and it ripples outwards. For a moment, space crackles with purple lights as the shield collapses. Absurdly it’s as beautiful as it is tragic, and then it’s gone. There’s cheering over the main channel from the rebels, but they don’t know. They don’t know the cost. 

 

Matt sobs and slams his fists down on the control panel hard enough to bruise. His shoulders shake as he tries to keep it together. There’s still a battle raging, even if it’s nearly won. Olia notices his distress and comes to kneel beside him where he hunches in his seat. 

 

“Matt?” she asks softly, but he has no words. There is no way for him to vocalize his grief, and the loss that only he knows about.

 

All he can do is turn, and allow her to pull him into her arms. It’s not unlike being hugged by a golden retriever, but Matt doesn’t have it in him to find that funny. One of his oldest friends is dead. And now, he has to tell Shiro. 

 

“Drop me at the castle,” Matt manages. Olia nods, and pulls away to do as he asked. 

 

The castle is packed when Matt steps onto the bridge. His eyes still burn, and of course, Pidge spots him first. Katie has always had a radar for where her brother is, and since his return, she’s been even more accurate about knowing when he’s in a room. 

 

“There you are! No one has heard from Keith, have you--” she stops, taking in the way his shoulders are slumped, and the red around his eyes. 

 

“No,” she says, taking a stumbling step back. “No!” 

 

“Pidge?” Shiro’s concerned voice cuts through the din. 

 

He was talking to a Blade on the far side of the room, but now he crosses over to join the Holt siblings. The rest of the paladins follow, falling in naturally behind him. Even Allura halts her conversation to listen. A wave of exhaustion hits Matt and he looks to his sister, who’s shaking her head emphatically as tears stream down her face. 

 

“Keith is dead,” Matt says, and the words tumble off his tongue like dead weight, echoing through the room.

 

Watching Shiro process them is even worse than saying them aloud. When he finally settles on grief, his eyes shutter closed and Matt can see his body tremble. Matt takes a hesitant step, and then another until Shiro is within his reach. Shiro allows the hug, but Matt can tell it’s a near thing. He’s on an precipice, one small gust of wind away from toppling over the edge. There’s nothing Matt can say or do to help him. This is their new reality. 

 

A reality without the bright-eyed recruit who put toothpaste in Matt’s socks, and made Shiro laugh even on the bad days. A friend who would cross the universe and back for Shiro, who would… did... die for all of them. 

 

Shiro pulls away from Matt, and Matt lets him go, holding the team back from following as Shiro leaves the bridge. Allura’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, and Hunk pats a sobbing Lance’s back as tears run from his own eyes. The loss is felt universally.

 

Opening his arms for Pidge is automatic for Matt, and she settles there, soaking his shirt with her tears. 

 

***

 

Shiro stands on the observation deck, looking at the stars without seeing. The void in his chest is infinite, yawning ominously as it threatens to suck him in. 

 

Keith was gone. 

 

It was a truth that he will have to accept, and a truth he’ll have to integrate into his daily life. Shiro doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want this cold, empty life without Keith. Keith was the sun to Shiro’s stars, the warmth when so many things have gone cold. Shiro feels the absence keenly, and something tells him he always will. It’s a phantom pain, because Keith is, was a part of him. 

 

Keith will always be a part of him. 

 

Shiro takes a shuddering breath and the tears start falling again, leaving tracks down his cheeks that he doesn’t bother to wipe away. One deep breath, and then another. Shiro carefully lowers himself to the ground, legs stretched out in front of him like he’s back at the Garrison. If he closes his eyes, for a moment he can pretend that they’re back there, stargazing like they tended to do when the sky was clear. Back before there were aliens, and before they knew what it meant to go to war. Back when Keith was alive. 

 

Shiro tilts his head and gazes at the stars through his tears as the years play through his mind. Keith as a stubborn recruit, quiet but wicked fast in the simulators. The day Keith and Matt finally became friends on their own, rather than mutual friends of Shiro. The Kerberos launch, and Shiro’s desperate wish to make it home, to make it back to Keith. A familiar face and a rescue; not one time, but many. Unwavering support, a warm hand on a shoulder. All of the bright spots in Shiro’s life revolve around Keith. The thought makes him swallow hard on a sob. 

 

Fists clenching, Shiro lets one last wave of heartbreak wash over him. Yes, he’s lost the future he’d hardly dared hope for with Keith. A future full of gentle kisses and soft mornings. It’s gone, but he owes Keith. Shiro owes him far more than he can ever put into words. For Keith, he will carry on. He will live, because it’s what Keith wanted for him. It will be harder than anything Shiro has ever done in his entire life, but he promises himself, promises Keith. 

 

For you, I will live. 

 

I love you. 

 

_ You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death. _

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me (or curse me out, I know, I'm still sorry) at carry-a-world on tumblr. We all about to lose our minds. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
